Quote of the Day (2011-02-28)

Jim Hacker: "But you got me this job [local government]."

Sir Humphrey: "Yes, but I didn't expect you to do anything, I mean, you have never done anything before."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-27)

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Responsibility without power - the prerogative of the eunuch throughout the ages.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-26)

Fezzik: You never said anything about killing anyone.

Vizzini: I've hired you to help me start a war. It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.

Fezzik: I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.

Vizzini: Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.

Inigo Montoya: I agree with Fezzik.

Vizzini: Oh, the sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her. And remember this, never forget this: when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy Brandy!

[turning to Fezzik]

Vizzini: And you: friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Greenland!

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-02-25)

"Amazing! I drive them to lesbianism, and he brings 'em back!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-02-24)

Sir Humphrey: "If there had been investigations, which there haven't, or not necessarily, or I'm not at liberty to say whether there have, there would have been a project team which, had it existed, on which I cannot comment, which would now have disbanded, if it had existed, and the members returned to their original departments, if indeed there had been any such members."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-23)

Victor Melling: [during a makeover session] Eyebrows. There should be two.

Source: Miss Congeniality

Quote of the Day (2011-02-22)

Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-02-21)

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-02-20)

The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us...and our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast, terrible in-between.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2011-02-19)

Jim Hacker: "The trouble with Brussels is not internationalism, it is too much bureaucracy."

Sir Humphrey: "But the bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism. Why else would there be an English Commissioner with a French Director-General immediately below him, and an Italian Chef-du-Division reporting to the Frenchman and so on down the line."

Jim Hacker: "Oh, I agree."

Sir Humphrey: "It is like the Tower of Babel."

Jim Hacker: "I agree."

Sir Humphrey: "No, it's even worse, it is like the United Nations."

Jim Hacker: "I agree."

Bernard Woolley: "Then perhaps, if I may interject, you are in fact in agreement."

Jim Hacker & Sir Humphrey: "No we're not!"

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-18)

Sir Humphrey: "We must, in my view, always have the right to promote the best man for the job, regardless of sex."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-17)

Always, no sometimes, think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.

I think I know I mean a 'yes' but it's all wrong, that is I think I disagree.

Source: John Lennon

Quote of the Day (2011-02-16)

Bernard Woolley (on the phone): "Yes, we will want simultaneous translators. ... No, not when the PM meets the leaders of the English speaking nations. ... Yes, the English speaking nations can be said to include the United States. With a certain generosity of spirit."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-15)

Sir Humphrey: "Didn't you read the Financial Times this morning?"

Sir Desmond Glazebrook: "Never do."

Sir Humphrey: "Well you're a banker, surely you read the Financial Times?"

Sir Desmond: "Can't understand it. Full of economic theory."

Sir Humphrey: "Why do you buy it?"

Sir Desmond: "Oh, you know, it's part of the uniform."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-14)

Alicia: There's nothing like a love song to give you a good laugh.

Source: Notorious

Quote of the Day (2011-02-13)

Peter Gibbons: I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in the dictionary.

Source: Office Space

Quote of the Day (2011-02-12)

Jerry: "I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today."

Kramer: "Really?"

Jerry: "We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men."

Kramer: "So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?'"

Jerry: "Yes, we did."

Kramer: "Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't."

Jerry: "There isn't?"

Kramer: "Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating."

Jerry: "I can?"

Kramer: "Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner?"

Jerry: "What?"

Kramer: "You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?'"

Jerry: "Boy."

Kramer: "It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."

Jerry: "I'm glad we had this talk."

Kramer: "Oh, you have no idea."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-02-11)

Sir Humphrey: "Minister, you said you wanted the administration figures reduced, didn't you?"

Jim Hacker: "Yes."

Sir Humphrey: "So we reduced the figures."

Jim Hacker: "But only the figures, not the number of administrators."

Sir Humphrey: "Well of course not."

Jim Hacker: "Well that is not what I meant."

Sir Humphrey: "Well really Minister, one is not a mind-reader, is one? You said reduce the figures, so we reduced the figures."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-10)

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.

Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.

Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-02-09)

Rebecca: Until I began eating clean, I never realized how a good a nice, dry ricecake could taste.

Woody: How can you eat those, Miss Howe, they don't have any flavor.

Rebecca: Oh, if I eat these I will live longer.

Woody: Well, I have a question. You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life? How come you wanna make it longer?

Rebecca: Shut up, Woody.

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2011-02-08)

Sir Humphrey: "Minister, I have something to say to you which you may not like to hear."

Jim Hacker: "Why should today be any different?"

Sir Humphrey: "Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsibilities has always been so determined as to liberate the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutiae by devolving the managerial functions to those whose experience and qualifications have better formed them for the performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing their political overlords for the more onerous duties and profound deliberations which are the inevitable concomitant of their exalted position."

Jim Hacker: "I wonder what made you think I didn't want to hear that?"

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-07)

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.

The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!

Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!

The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!

Brian: You're all different!

The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!

Man in crowd: I'm not...

The Crowd: Sch!?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-02-06)

Bedever: So, logically....

Peasant: If she...weighs the same as a duck...she's made of wood.

Bedever: And therefore...

Peasant: ... A witch!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-02-05)

Jim: Five standard excuses?

Sir Humphrey: Yes. First there's the excuse we used for instance in the Anthony Blunt case.

Jim: Which was?

Sir Humphrey: That there is a perfectly satisfactory explanation for everything, but security forbids its disclosure. Second, there is the excuse we used for comprehensive schools, that it has only gone wrong because of heavy cuts in staff and budget which have stretched supervisory resources beyond the limits.

Jim: But that's not true is it?

Sir Humphrey: No, but it's a good excuse. Then there's the excuse we used for Concorde, it was a worthwhile experiment, now abandoned, but not before it had provided much valuable data and considerable employment.

Jim: But that is true isn't it? Oh no, of course it isn't.

Sir Humphrey: The fourth, there's the excuse we used for the Munich agreement. It occurred before certain important facts were known, and couldn't happen again.

Jim: What important facts?

Sir Humphrey: Well, that Hitler wanted to conquer Europe.

Jim: I thought everybody knew that.

Sir Humphrey: Not the Foreign Office.

Jim: Five?

Sir Humphrey: Five, there's the Charge of the Light Brigade excuse. It was an unfortunate lapse by an individual which has now been dealt with under internal disciplinary procedures."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-02-04)

Harry Burns: You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.

Sally Albright: Why?

Harry Burns: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?

Sally Albright: Its amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2011-02-03)

Jay Sherman: Welcome to "Coming Attractions". I'm your host, Jay Sherman. Thank you. Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in "Death Wish 9."

[Charles Bronson is in a hospital bed]

Charles Bronson: I wish I was dead. Oy!

Jay Sherman: But first, we have a special guest: Rainer Wolfcastle, star of the reprehensible McBain movies.

Rainer Wolfcastle: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's called "McBain: Let's Get Silly."

[Cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall]

Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?

[pause]

Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: That's the joke.

Man in audience: You suck, McBain!

[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]

Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.

Man in audience: Hey, that really sucked!

[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]

Man in audience: [Cut back to Rainer and Jay]

Rainer Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.

Jay Sherman: [contemptuous] How do you sleep at night?

Rainer Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

Jay Sherman: Just asking. Yeesh!

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-02-02)

[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]

King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.

King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...

Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

King Arthur: Right. One... two... five.

Galahad: Three, sir.

King Arthur: Three.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-02-01)

Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here.

Source: Holy Grail